Perspectives are just that… perspectives. The challenge in communication and conflict is that people often believe that their perspective is THE perspective (the right perspective). The need to “win” and proving someone wrong can become more important than either the topic itself or the relationship.
Many years ago in my first career as a Correctional Officer, I discovered quickly how many conversations between inmates and Correctional Officers (and between Correctional Officers as a team) had to do with different perspectives. I observed so much energy going into proving one another wrong.
At the end of the day, that didn’t result in people being right as a result of someone being proved wrong. It typically just made the conversation more complex, messy, and emotional (with the issue still being unresolved). This was what inspired me to go on and become trained and certified as a mediator and taking a Masters Degree in Conflict Analysis & Management.
Fast forward to me opening up a dispute resolution company in 1997, I saw the same thing as a mediator. The parties put excessive energy and thought into attempts to prove the other party wrong. Same result occurred… higher emotions, more blame, and unresolved conflict.
As a speaker and trainer on conflict resolution and communicating for understanding and success, I help people learn:
- How to speak in a way that people will want to listen.
- How to listen so that people can be understood.
Developing this communication skill has a much better chance for conflict resolution, but also help with understanding where the perspectives originated (often an unchecked or inaccurate assumption) and what really matters.
When you are in a dialogue and someone tries to prove you wrong, respond instead with open questions instead of justifications or defensive dialogue. And… added bonus… know in that moment of responding instead of reacting, you are modelling and teaching others how to treat you.