Working styles, constant change, generational differences, clashes of values and priorities are all realities in our workplace but that sometimes to lead to communication going sideways. Conflict at work is not something to be avoided, it is something to be well managed. It takes effective communication, a willingness to address the issues, and the ability to clarify (and be aware of) the assumptions that turn a respectful dialogue into workplace confrontation. With these elements, it is possible to bridge the gap between sides when unnecessary workplace conflict arises.
- What makes communication across the generations so challenging?
- Why does conflict emerge in diverse workplaces?
- Is there a way to avoid conflict all together?
These are some of the common questions about workplace relationships that I receive when I speak in businesses, organizations, non-profits and conferences on the topic of communication and conflict resolution. Since there isn’t simply one answer for “why can’t people just play nice in the sandbox together?” let’s break these questions down one at a time.
What makes communication across the generations so challenging?
People in general have different learning styles, communication styles, and personalities, and all of these differences impact how people communicate and work together. When in communication with people whose style is different from your own, there is often a series of assumptions that get made (because you think that others think just like you). Additionally, one’s experience and comfort with different communication modalities often shapes how they communicate.
To illustrate this point, let me share a powerful reminder about the differences in communication in the workplace and how these differences can both hinder and help team functioning.
I remember facilitating a team charter process with a government department. Half of this team was comprised of very seasoned/tenured employees and the other half were new to the profession in the past 3 years. This 2nd group was taking notes from the meeting on their cell and plugging meetings into their calendars in real time. The more seasoned group was writing notes on their notepad and using their daytimers or journals to schedule meetings. Neither is right or wrong, they simply are different approaches to the end result.
Assumptions: The culprit of unnecessary workplace conflict
This difference in approach did leave room for a lot of assumptions. One of the seasoned staff in frustration blurted out something to the effect of, “Would you put your phone away and stop texting or Facebooking. For Pete’s sake! We are in a meeting.” The colleague responded, “I am typing the meeting notes and have sent them all to you. I also did a calendar invite to you all for the upcoming meetings.”
This was a great example of an assumption that got acted on (the colleague blurted the assumption rather than checking out the assumption). In many cases, these types of assumptions create a hornet’s nest of accusations and finger pointing. So how do you check out assumptions instead of blurting?
ASK. Ask questions. Be curious and resist the urge to blurt. These simple but powerful skills will help you keep your workplace communications respectful, on track, and effective. The next blog will address the remaining questions and further explore the undercurrents running through unnecessary workplace conflict.