Receiving constructive feedback goes far beyond listening for the moment and potentially implementing the feedback. Processing feedback requires curious questions (opened-ended questions), conversation, practice, and so much more.
Having trained people around the world on giving and receiving feedback, I have summarized some of the key elements.
The P’s of Processing Feedback
Here they are in no particular order.
Poise:
When someone provides us with feedback, having poise (instead of reactive defensiveness) can help you with hearing the feedback with a sense of neutrality and with grace – reflective mirroring. For example, if you received feedback that you need to be stronger at delegating to your team, you might say, “It sounds like you are suggesting I try to take it all on and it’s impacting my results.”
Presence:
Presence helps ensure that you are not distracted and that you are engaged. Feedback is generally not a one-way street; it is a conversation. Receiving feedback is often uncomfortable and we run the risk of “zoning out” when we are uncomfortable. Being fully present is one way of staying with the conversation.
Process:
Process what is being shared with you. Even if you don’t agree with the feedback, listen and reflect on the feedback shared. In some feedback conversations, it can feel like a lot of information is being shared. Big emotions can also surface. Taking time to process what has been shared can help minimize defensiveness.
Take a moment to reflect on a time where you received feedback and you found it supportive, helpful, and impactful. What was it about the conversation that left you feeling this way? How was the feedback delivered?
Now take a moment to reflect upon a time where you received feedback and you found yourself becoming defensive, zoning out, or forming responses in your head instead of listening to what the other person was saying. What was happening in the conversation that resulted in this not being a supportive dialogue?
Past experience shapes how we process current conversations.
As you think about an upcoming conversation you may need to have, how can you prepare for this conversation? A little bit of preparation goes a long way.